I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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