Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
