I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
