I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
