Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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