Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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