Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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