it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
