I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
