I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
