so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
