Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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