Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
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I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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