i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
