You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
