I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
