good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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