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Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
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