i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck