Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..