I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes