Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.