The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.