would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
