are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
