I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
