So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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