It was confusing and full of hummus
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
