weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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