party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All the doctor said was why
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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