It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
