I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
