Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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