I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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