with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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