How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
