And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
