i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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