i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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