Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The best revenge is premature balding
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
