batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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