I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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