I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
