wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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