You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
