Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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