Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
