The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
