Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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