I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
