break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
