Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
