he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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