I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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