dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
