If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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