But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
