just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
