I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
