i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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