ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
