Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
