I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize