it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
