I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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