Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
