You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think my fart just growled at me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
