Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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