Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
