Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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