isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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