oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
