I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
