id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
